I was sitting in Fuddruckers with Louis yesterday and saw what I thought was a police chase on the TV. Nope, turns out Brett Favre decided to un-retire for the second time in two years and the media decided that a helicopter was needed to follow him to the training camp facility. Whoop-dee-freakin-doo. Brett needs to accept the fact that, much like that dirty-ass hat he decided to wear to the press conference, there are some things that just need to stay at home. And please shave -- combined with the dumpster hat, I thought a bum living under a freeway had somehow walked on stage at the press conference.

Two years ago I had to endure 10 weeks of seeing Marie Osmond stay way too long on Dancing with the Stars -- now I'm being told that I have to suffer through the upcoming season watching her equally annoying brother, Donnie? Thank God I don't watch Entertainment Tonight, because I can already hear the Donnie and Marie "lost clips" whirring up in the background as they "surprise" America by asking Marie to cover the competition. Barf. I guess the only good thing I can say about Donnie is that at least he got rid of the helmet hair sometime between the 70's and the 90's.


Speaking of beating dead celebrities, how much longer is Entertainment Tonight going to keep the Michael Jackson death parade going? I, for one, would like to see more coverage of the Billy Mays cocaine scandal or the ShamWOW hooker-slapping. Now that's quality news we can all use.

Does anyone out there know our that we have a home phone? Anyone have our home phone number? If you answered no to these questions, don't feel bad. The only person/entity that we've willingly given the number out to would be our home security company, which is actually the only reason we have the home phone line in the first place.

Well, Saturday morning I decided to just completely disable the ringers on our house phones. Why? Because the only calls we get on the home phone are from people dialing the wrong number, telemarketers, organizations looking for donations and bill collectors trying to reach individuals who's names are not Selina or Ryan. It's fairly easy to hang up on the telemarketers and the bill collectors, but when the Texas State Troopers Association, Austin Area Firefighters Association or the Insert-Needy-Cause-Here Association is on the line when you pick up the phone, it's a little harder to just hang up on them without feeling at least a little guilty. With the ringer disabled, I won't even know anyone is trying to annoy me.

What about the security system, you may ask? Well, if something happens to trip the alarm, I will have no issue hearing the siren if I'm within half a block of the house -- and I already know that they will be calling the home phone within 10 seconds of the alarm going off. Our cell phones are also listed on the account as backup numbers, so we'll get the message somehow. As long as I don't have to hear the phone during dinner ever again, then it suits me just fine.

First off, not all vegans are stupid -- the ones who think they are doing everyone a favor by filing what I consider dumb lawsuits are. Apparently there's a lawsuit aimed at the hot dog makers of America that was filed by a non-profit organization called The Cancer Project on behalf of three New Jersey residents citing fraudulent advertising. They are demanding that there be warning labels on packages advising that they may cause cancer. They point to a American Institute for Cancer Research study that claims that eating the equivalent of one hot dog a day increases your risk of colon cancer by 21%. But one hot dog a day for how long...a week? A month? A year? A lifetime? They never really make that clear.

For those not aware, The Cancer Project is reportedly a vegan organization. I'm inclined to say that, being vegan and all, they most likely have a bias towards any information that backs their lifestyle and point of view. Why aren't they fighting for a warning label on carrots? If you eat obscene amounts of carrots, you may possibly turn orange. How about asparagus? Many people may not know that it may make your urine smell like a wet trash dumpster on a hot day. Heck, water should come with a big skull and crossbones on it, because you can actually die from drinking too much of it.

Look folks, there's a difference between use and abuse. Be smart about the amount of any food or drink you consume and you'll be alright. Don't let some goofy study that claims if you eat 30 pounds of hot dog meat in one hour scare you into thinking that eating an occasional hot dog is going to give you polyps on your rear end. And there's nothing wrong with a vegetarian/vegan diet -- if that's what floats your boat, then by all means do it. However, don't scare people into thinking that anyone who even smells meat (processed or not) is going to die a terrible, cancerous death.

Oh, and I can't remember which article I read that said this, but someone captured my thoughts exactly: vegans complaining about hot dogs is akin to the Amish complaining about gas prices. It just doesn't make sense.